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About the Book

    Life does not come with an owner’s manual and often we are forced to struggle through it gaining knowledge and wisdom along the way. We may stumble at times but we get back up, learn from our experiences and carry on. Learning to be a good parent and getting through fatherhood is done in much the same manner. However, fathering after separation or divorce and remaining an active father in your children’s lives can be very overwhelming at times. So, Being Dad brings you a little advice and wisdom from others who have travelled that path. Being Dad is meant to encourage you, let you know that you are NOT alone, that others have made it through this difficult time and so will you.
    Being Dad explores the avenues and emotions associated with being a single father in a positive and encouraging manner. This is done through stories and pieces of wisdom from fathers, children of divorce, a few experts and even from mothers who have been in the same position. Their knowledge and experience can offer you support and ideas on how to cope and make a huge impact on how you deal with your divorce, your ex, and most importantly, your children.
    As fathers we never stop needing our children in our lives and they in turn never stop needing us in their’s.

    For a brief overview of the book, view the book's Contents and Introduction below.

    To purchase Being Dad, request it from your local bookstore or purchase from our online book store.
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About the Author

    Steve Van Bakel lives in Calgary, Alberta Canada with his daughter Grace. He is the Publisher of Tall Tales Press and the editor of the Tall Tales and Short Stories series. He is the author of many short stories, a children’s book entitled ‘The Night the Lights Went Out on Santa’ and two novels.
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Contents

                    Introduction ..............................................................................11

                    1. You Can Make It Through This................................................15

                    2. Taking it One Step at a Time..................................................31

                    3. Keeping Your Children’s Spirit Alive........................................63

                    4. Staying Active in Your Children’s Life......................................75

                    5. Learning From Our Children..................................................101

                    6. Special Memories................................................................111

                    7. Fathers Speak to Their Children............................................127

                    8. Children Speaking Up...........................................................145

                    9. Moving On...........................................................................167

                    10. Women Share Their Views..................................................181

                    11. Resources.........................................................................191

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Introduction

    Most fathers have told me that being Dad has been the most rewarding experience and they cannot imagine life without their children. So, it is easy to understand why most single fathers have also told me that being separated from their children has been the hardest struggle they have ever encountered. As fathers, we never stop needing our children in our lives and they in turn never stop needing us in theirs. So it is imperative to put up a good fight and ensure that no matter what, we remain a big part of our children’s lives. This may end up being one of the hardest challenges you ever have to face and unfortunately there is no quick resolution. However, if you persevere, you will be rewarded with the biggest joy of all, being Dad.
    I’ve worked as a paramedic for a good part of my life, first as a medic in the military and later as a street paramedic. I’ve dealt with children from all walks of life, including war-torn countries, the slums of our city streets, school children and highly disciplined army cadets. I am an uncle to six incredible nieces and nephews who were the first to teach me the joys of having children in your life. But nothing has given me more pleasure or has been more rewarding than being Dad to my own daughter.
    I don’t want to go into too many details about my personal situation because we all have our own stories and the only relevance in mine is that it made me into a single father. However, I think that a bit of detail is needed so that as I discuss things throughout this book, you the reader will know where I am coming from.
    Unsuspecting, I returned home from a business trip promoting my latest book to find my wife had packed up and left with our fifteen-month-old daughter. I was left with the phone number of a lawyer to contact and nothing else. I had no idea how to contact my wife and daughter or when I would see my daughter again. My wife refused to speak to me unless it was through her lawyer and we ended up in a nasty battle over how our daughter would be cared for. To tell the whole story would take a book in itself and I have no desire to write that book, as I am sure no one would have the desire to read it.
    I came from a family where my parents were married until my mother passed away. Though I knew friends and other people who were either divorced or came from a divorced family, I knew very little about the whole divorce process myself.
    My daughter was very young when her mother and I separated, so not only was I still learning about being a father, I was also learning how to be a single father. To help myself get through this new stage in life, I delved into all kinds of books and sought help from professionals and others who had walked this path before me. I found some of the best advice came from other single fathers who, though they had no training, found a way to get through this tough time. When the idea for this book came to me, I decided I would seek out the experience and knowledge from those single fathers. These fathers come from all walks of life with all sorts of education, training and experience but they all have one thing in common. At some point in their lives they learned how to deal with being Dad after a separation or divorce.
    I chose a format for Being Dad that I thought would be easiest to get the information across to you, the reader. During the time when this book would have been most useful to me, I found it hard to concentrate and stay focussed on long in-depth articles and books. So here, each chapter starts with a brief outline and a few anecdotes from myself followed by contributions from other fathers. The chapters have straightforward titles and are laid out in a sequence that I thought would be relevant to you as the reader. However, feel free to jump back and forth without fear of getting lost.
    If you have your own stories, anecdotes, or comments that you would like to share, please feel free to send them to us via e-mail at BeingDad@shaw.ca or via snail mail at;
            Tall Tales Press
            20 Tuscany Valley Park NW
            Calgary, Alberta
            T3L 2B6
            Canada

    Enjoy Being Dad and remember, this is going to be a very rough time but a lot of guys have been through this before you. They made it and so will you!
Steve Van Bakel
2006

    This book is intended as guidance and support only and is not meant to replace professional help in any way, including counsellors or lawyers.



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     If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to e-mail us at BeingDad@shaw.ca or send mail to;
                                 Tall Tales Press 
                                 20 Tuscany Valley Park NW
                                 Calgary, Alberta
                                 T3L 2B6
                                 Canada